Ouran Highschool Host Eater
by mollychankawaii
Summary: The Kishin is defeated and the Soul Eater gang is sent off after a new Kishin egg, who's identity is certain to surprise you!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER OR OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB- THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTFUL OWNERS AND NOT ME. IF I OWNED EITHER OF THEM, I WOULDN'T BE POSTING THIS IDEA ONLINE- IT WOULD BE A REALITY. (CUS I'M JUST SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THIS!)

One

-Kidd-

Not again. I slap my forehead and groan- Dad's got me on a stupid mission to some random place far away to collect kishin eggs. And Liz refused to come, so I have abandoned Patti as well-one of my two, beautifully symmetrical pistols is not enough! I'm on my own, rounding up kishin eggs in some random part of Japan. Great. My Japanese is a little rusty. Spirit did offer (though he was pushed by into doing so) to come and protect me, as I wasn't and I'm still not completely sure what I'm up against, but to be quite honest I can't stand his personality, never mind his horrible lack of symmetry in both weapon and human form, so I declined as politely as possible, just about managing to not reveal that I think he's a perverted, neglecting freak who doesn't deserve his position, but you know. I have to be social, and- well, _nice_.

Back on track. Some fancy school in the outskirts of some Japanese city is harboring a dangerous kishin-so I'm there first.

At a first glance, the school appears to be an all girl's school, judging by the fact the exterior is pink, but then I notice some tall boys joking about in some awfully asymmetrical uniforms (An emblem on only one side of the jacket?- CRIMINAL!) and I sigh. A girl's school would have been too easy after all. All those pathetic, whimpering girls who have lived cushy lives not lifting a finger? Easy to manipulate. Any funny business that goes down can always be covered up when you're talking to dim-whitted girls with air-filled heads. (And their lack of acne often results in great symmetry opportunities- yay for great skincare!) Teenaged boys with too much time on their hands, who have always gotten what they want in life, seem to have the opposite ideas. They deny _everything _you tell them, proceeding to make life a hassle for you. I know. Experience.

Though the students are rich, I'm not going to say they're _all_ idiots, so I jump off of Beezlebub and dismiss him before entering through the main gates, trying not to look like a terrorist- which is hard when nobody recognizes you and you're wearing all black and white, skulls all over your ensemble and you have 3 artificial-looking white stripes in only half *_**I'mafailure, filthyreaperscum-myfatherwilldisownme, I'masymmetricalgarbage**_* of your shoulder length black hair. I do look a bit of an extreme-ist. Perhaps I should have thought this through. I mentally facepalm for my lack of preparation and scold myself in third person. You know you've done something really stupid when you start scolding yourself in third person…

-Kaoru-

"But, Haruhi!" my brother whines, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her violently from side to side.

"Quit it Hikaru!" she complains, grabbing the flesh of his hand and pinching it. He immediately stops and his body goes limp, falling to the ground with her grip still on his loose flesh. I can't help but laugh- they just get on so well. Sometimes I wish Haruhi had made a decision, and that she would have specified how she feels for the various Host Club members I have noticed have taken a shine to her, but I feel now, that I'm asking too much. The carriage isn't a pumpkin- yet, so we should all enjoy what's left of the ride, right? But something tells me that the spell isn't strong enough to last much longer, and neither is Hikaru by the sounds of things, as he pulls his hand back, pouting and complaining at Haruhi, as she ignores him completely and returns to her current guests, who seem quite confused by her abrupt violence.

"Hikaru!" I walk towards him as I notice some girls' attentions on us from across the room, "You have to be more careful…" I whisper, putting my face close to his and rubbing his hand. I hear the girls' appreciation in the form of crazed sighs and thankful murmurs about how great our 'brotherly love' is. I smile and so does Hikaru, looking back on the days when we would have hit those girls for being so love-sick over us, not wanting to be the object of their crazy, hormonal fantasies and obsessions. Now we just deal with it. And I'll admit- I do enjoy it.

"Haruhi's being meaner than usual, Kaoru…" Hikaru whines, pulling away and shattering the symmetry image as he stalks over to the newest Host's table, distracting her yet again from her clients.

I turn around and decide that I should leave them to it and do my best to charm our duo-loving clients who are waiting contently by one of the many pink tables, without him- I'll just have to be honest and myself with them. After all, Hikaru's busy courting Haruhi. I roll my eyes. And all he wants is for her to let him order a passport for her, so much hassle over just that. He's so desperate to whisk her off to America, that he's given up trying to be cool about it.

His want for this started a few weeks ago, when Haruhi mistakenly let loose that she's never had a decent steak. And Hikaru loves American steak, not only that, but he's obsessed recently with America and he wants to go to New York. He also mentioned Canada, which is less my cup of tea than standing at the borderline, waiting for ages to get into some stinkin' country where all that happens is people vary in size in whatever state you visit, and they talk with THE most annoying accents ever. YA'KNOW WAT I MAN? Ugh! It drives me nuts! He wants me to go, but unless he wants to be blamed for the murder of 313.9million people (America's population JSUK), then he should just drag Haruhi along. I can stay here and, I dunno… write fanfiction or whatever.

My grizzly thoughts are interrupted by a guest, wanting attention.

"Um. Yeah!" I smile, trying to look apologetic, "Hikaru's busy so it's just me for now, I'm sor-" she cuts me off with a loud noise of negativity, and focusing on her instead of my hatred for America, I am shocked by her expression. A mix of concern, fear and discomfort scars her face, and she repeats what she was obviously saying before I dozed off mentally.

"What's with the ruckus outside? People are screaming." She repeats.

I gasp, now being able to hear said screams, like being made aware of them has turned up the volume. I make my way hastily to the large windows on the wall of the room, where the rest of the Hosts have gathered, and what I see in the courtyard beneath, it gives me shivers.

-Maka-

I hope we can catch up with Kidd in time. After eventually convincing Liz that Japan isn't crawling with monsters, weirdos and crazed manga fangirls, she was more than happy to be dragged violently along in an attempt to save the rookie reaper.

Moments after Kidd left the Death room to complete his newly assigned quest that Liz had refused, Justin appeared in the mirror, screaming to Lord Death that the mission was too dangerous and that the kishin would tear Kidd to pieces without a weapon. Of course, I turned to my papa and Maka chopped him for not accompanying Kidd like a responsible Death Scythe should have, but he cried and returned to his emo corner before I could do it again. Almost in unison, we all offered to go and help him before sprinting out of the room and leaving a very confused Shinigami in our wake.

Now it seems we are heading to a fancy school called Ouran academy where the dangerous kishin is supposedly spending most of it's time. With my soul perception, I manage to get a faint read on it's very powerful soul, deep within the academy, surrounded by uninteresting souls with no particular value, but they're still human. That means we'll have to have an answer for every question they will ask. Trust me, there'll be plenty.

After the kishin's defeat, Lord Death issued a mass erase of memories, feeling that the world was better off not remembering the madness, or the deaths and issues it caused for regular people. So people worldwide now have no knowledge whatsoever of the DWMA outside of Death city, or what it does. Kishin eggs are non-existent to non-meister non-weapon humans, and who we are has become a secret too. The world seems just as happy, but our job has become a fully fledged secret operation to destroy all the remaining kishin eggs, which are at large after the madness hit. The strain has started to affect all the students at the academy, and work shifts are tight. Japan is riddled with kishins, so we need to wrap this one up and continue on for the rest of them.

I skid to a halt, seeing the front gates wide open and Kidd on the other side of them, parting the crowds down the middle (symmetrically- figures).

"KIDD!" I shout, sensing the others stopping behind me. Liz and Patti transform and re-appear in Kidd's hands upside down, before he waves cheerily with both hands extended in the air, moving side to side in a sea-like motion.

I facepalm, cringing at his audacity in such a serious situation. And we make our way through the parted crowds to Kidd, who smiles at us in an apologetic and grateful way that seems just as out-of-character as his enthusiastic waving. I pout, and turn away from him, pulling Soul in his weapon form up towards my face where I whisper to him about storming the school, destroying the kishin egg and doing the same for all the others. He suggests, when his smirking image appears in the reflection of the blade that we focus on this one first, and that we try to be ninja. I've heard that one before… Wait! I've said that before!

We all get into our 'ready positions', in preparation for fighting the demon that I sense is making it's way towards us from the front doors of the school.

They open eerily, and a group of 7 souls and the kishin egg is all I can percept from the darkness.

We can't, however, be prepared for what is about to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER OR OURAN HIGHSCHOOL HOST CLUB. I DON'T EVEN OWN THE WORDS IN THIS STORY. THE DICTIONARY DOES, SO HUSSSSHHHH! BTW, IF I DID HAPPEN TO COME INTO OWNERSHIP OF EITHER ANIMES OR MANGAS (WHICH ARE BOTH PROPERTY OF BONES METHINKS) THERE WOULD BE MORE SERIESES! BECAUSE I HATE CLIFFHANGERS, UNLESS IT IS ME HANGING OTHERS OFF OF SAID CLIFFS!** SORRY~ RANT OVER.

-Soul-

I feel Maka's grip tighten around me, and I can tell as she tenses every muscle in her body, worried about what might lie beyond those doors. Whatever it is, it's not cool- making my partner worry is NEVER cool. But, Maka's cool for a bookworm, and she _did_defeat the Kishin with a punch in the face. I smirk- we'll be just fine. I'm sure we'll come up with something.

I glance at Black*Star, who's just as shaken up as Maka, being silent for once in his stupid loud life- which is as rare as Kidd wearing that asymmetrical top. I still remember his reaction when Crona made the mistake of pointing that out one day. The poor guy's now scarred for life (even more so than usual) at the memory of the reaper's tantrum. Before hand, that top had been mine and Maka's little joke, as she had pointed out one day over dinner in our flat, that the guilty red top had four buttons on one side of the off-centre line, but not on the other. I think he said he got it "as a gift" in his defence when we were all laughing at him afterwards. He probably went and murdered the poor sod who gave it to him. Looking up at the psycho obsessor, I see that he's cursing under his breath, he's probably just noticed something stupid like- the doors not opening at the same angle or some stupid shit like that. Kidd likes stupid shit. He obsesses over toilet paper ends after all.

I shift my focus finally back to the doors that hold the identity of the opposition -did I just use that word? Oh crap! Maka! You and your stupid grammar and vocabulary boardgames! GAH!

The doors halt suddenly, and I tense, bracing myself for action, but I don't think I could ever have gotten ready for what happened next.

Seven boys step out of the doors that Maka had been so anxiously glaring at, sombre expressions on their rich-ass faces, all posed, condescending. "One, Good looks that attract the public eye," two of the boys say in unison, their voices harmonising just as their appearances do I realise, when I notice that they are twins.

"Two, More wealth than you can imagine," a tall, glasses clad, shifty looking guy states, his voice oddly demonic, reminding me of the madness. I shudder, but continue to listen, trying not to smirk or make any comments about how prissy they all are.

"Three," a dim voice starts, dull and depressing, "chivalry that will never be able to overlook,"

"The hideous wickedness of this world." A young voice replies. Are these guys for real?

"That's what makes up the Ouran Host club!" the blonde dimwit ends,making it all sound more ridiculous by the second with his not-yet-hit-puberty voice. Then, to top it all off they all warn (IN CHORUS!) "We're here, watch out!"

I turn to Maka for an 'ok' to roll around on the floor, laughing at the twerps. She doesn't give me one. Instead she's just standing there, staring at the youngest boy with the honey blonde hair and big brown eyes. Her face is angry and full of disdain. Confused, I turn to Black*Star, who's eyes are wide in shock, and I can see in the reflection of Tsubaki's sword blade, that she's just as worried as he is. This is ridiculous, I mean-come ON! Are they all seriously intimated by that wussy, stupid threat? It wasn't even all that scary! If anything it was laughable! HA!YES! IT WAS LAUGHABLE!

I take a risky glance at the less hi-fricken-larious students,who all seem to be swooning or awestruck. ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE ON CRACK?!

Surely, if the world has gone crazy around me, a shinigami would still be sane? With that reasoning I look up at Kidd, to find he's not up, but down, cross-legged on the GOD DAMN FLOOR, kitty-faced with sparkly eyes. I facepalm, then follow his creepy, loving gaze towards the two twin boys. Oh! Symmetry. Figures Kidd's actually the most retarded one here. I start pulling on my hair inside the reflection of the scythe blade when Maka surprises me.

"Soul..." she whispers.

"Huh?" I ask, removing my claw-like fingers from my scalp.

"Soul resonance," she murmurs.

"WHAT?! ARE YOU INSANE? IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU'RE HOLDING A SCYTHE! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN THE KIDS FREAK OUT AND RUN AWAY BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A WEAPON AND ARE CHARGING AT THEM? HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMART AND SO STUPID AT THE-"

"Just do it, Soul." she glares at me in the blade and I sigh.

"SOUL RESONANCE!"

**A/N SORRY FOR THE FILLER CHAPTER, I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE DRAMATIC IF I LEFT IT THERE! LIKE I SAID, I ENJOY HANGING PEOPLE OFF CLIFFS! ARE ALL THESE CAPITALS AND BOLD NOTES MAKING ME SOUND LIKE BLACK*STAR?**


End file.
